Monday, June 16, 2008

No one is entitled to a virgin lover...nor do they need one

A quote from this Scarleteen article:

"Virginity shouldn't be something you use to devalue or judge others, or by which you should be judged or devalued. Even if we are treated as such, none of us are objects to be owned; we are whole people who own ourselves as well as our own sexual identity and value. Virginity shouldn't be a symbol of status (unless, that is, you still have a bride price, in which case, you have bigger problems than figuring out what virginity is), or a lack thereof."

From another Scarleteen article, on RH. This one talks about why we men should not worry if our current girlfriend has had sexual partners in the past (like we do):

"It might also be helpful if you try not to think of her virginity as being 'broken.' Having any kind of sex doesn't break us in any way. If we choose to share sex with someone, we're choosing to share sex with someone, not passively giving them some gift, some part of ourselves we can never reclaim, or allowing them some kind of way of marking us or having ownership of us or our sexuality by 'breaking' our bodies. You might even consider if thinking about things this way is really all that loving or respectful when it comes to women, and consider adjusting your thinking so that you and your girlfriend can experience love and sex together in a way that's most healthy and more loving than you have so far. How important the relationship the two of you have is is about the two of you and the quality of that relationship. It's not about anyone's past relationships, nor is it about the sex either of you may have had in the past. It's about what you and she make and have together, right now. "

Ultimate truth:

"If you want to know how women feel about something, ask women. And if you want to know how one woman feels, ask her. You already have a woman telling you, with her own words, how she feels. What she has to say about it should take precedence over what you suspect or what anyone else -- including me -- would tell you. She's the expert here..."

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